Dear Brother in Christ,

Friendships between pastors and church members can be tricky. I’ve experienced first-hand how a brother or sister in Christ can play with my kids, spend holidays with us, and worship at my side for years only to disappear due to a mere difference of opinion. It hurts. It makes me wonder what our relationship was really all about. Was it a friendship or was I an employee hired for the price of his tithe?

For this reason, I’ve heard pastors argue that a genuine friendship between a shepherd and a member of his flock is impossible, unwise, or even downright dangerous. While it’s true that my role as a shepherd can add an interesting dynamic to the relationship, brothers like you have taught me that genuine friendship with members of the church are not only possible, but are a precious treasure to be prized.

Thank you for letting me be your pastor. You’ve come to me for biblical counsel, personal comfort, and even appropriate complaint. Our friendship hasn’t hindered my ability to shepherd you, but has built trust and opened pathways of communication that have only amplified my care. In humility you’ve brought me your sins and struggles, laying your pain before me, and coming to me for prayer.

That doesn’t mean we’ve always seen eye to eye on everything. There have been times you’ve disagreed with the path that the elders and I have taken. Yet you refused to assume the worst in me and I never had cause to question your loyalty to the church or to me. Though some might have been tempted to use their friendship with the pastor as a ladder to influence, you humbly submitted to the decision of the elders before confirming that we were still “on” for Friday night.

Thank you for being a partner in ministry. Laboring alongside you has shown me that few things can bring brothers together like plowing the same field. When we saw the fruit of our labors, it was made all the sweeter knowing that we got to share the joy of the harvest together. When the crops refused to yield, we hung our heads together before reminding one another that it’s God who gives the growth (1 Corinthians 3:6).

I love to see you steward the gifts God has given you to serve the church (1 Peter 4:10). Your strengths in my areas of weakness have caused me to whisper a prayer of gratitude when I see you enter the room. You’re more than another set of willing hands, you’re a stalwart encouragement and my ministry complement.

Thank you for letting me be a person. My office hasn’t prevented you from seeking my company. You’ve asked about my family and cared about my answer. You’ve seen me in the valley and met me there for comfort. You’ve cried with me and listened, offering only prayers and presence. You’ve watched my kids, guarded my confessions, received my apologies, and offered your own.

If a good friend is a hard thing for a man to find, then a good friend in the church is an even harder thing for a pastor to find. What a gift you have been to me.

Your friend,

Ben

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